Saturday, February 2, 2013

Start Your Engines

Can we get the chemicals in
Cause anything's better than this
Mix it up with Vicodin
Cause anything's better than this...
The city is dying
(at least to me)
The city is dead now
(my kingdom for a friend)
From Company by Third Eye Blind

Please watch this before proceeding:

Welcome to the world of Emergency Medicine.  The funniest thing about this video is that anyone who has worked in the ER or clinic has heard all of this before.  It's all true!  Recently when I informed a patient that I was fully aware that they had received 90 Vicodins a mere 5 days ago and that doctor shopping was a felony, the response was,
"Anyway, I'm going to need some Vicodin or my money back."
"What if you wanted methadone or coke, should I write that too?"
Pause while they actually consider this as a serious question...
"No, that's crazy!  Just the Vicodin."

When I volunteered in Mississippi after the hurricanes, we set up clinics at local churches to provide free medical exams and hand out samples of antibiotics.  By mid-morning of the first day we were forced to post signs that said "No Lortab or controlled substances." Most of the patients standing in lines ten-deep turned around and left.

When I was in high school, I didn't know anyone who did more than smoke a little pot, let alone know where to get anything stronger.  Some of my younger co-workers (not far removed from high school) have told me that coke, Xanax, and basically any controlled substance have been readily available to them since 7th grade. Yeah, that's a problem.

Now to the weekend.  While the Clevelander in me will always root for the Ravens to crash and burn, I'm convinced that the 49ers defense is overrated.  Not in the way that the Ravens old-man D has been for years, but overrated nonetheless.  I believe we have a case of several players achieving Pro Bowl status due to the super studs carrying their load right next to them (i.e. Bowman and A. Smith).  That's why any line over three would scare me a little on the 49ers.  However, until you play the 9ers, I think it's impossible to account for their option in a consistent manner.  That and Kaepernick has a gun.  So in order, thanks to America's willingness to bet on anything, I would consider the following:

Longest FG O/U 44.5-In a dome?  With the kicker who has made the longest FG in NFL history on one side and a rookie bomber on the other, over easy.

Will there be a 4th down conversion-Will there be a sibling rivalry full of testosterone-juiced cojones with two guys who like to gamble in a normal game?  Please, yes.

Longest Punt O/U 57.5-Last report I saw had Andy Lee (Go Pitt!) kicking balls off the roof of the Superdome.  Dome.  Over.

Good luck and enjoy.  Ferry for Red Bull Island leaves around 2.

                      Football shaped RumChata pancakes

No comments: