Wednesday, October 8, 2008

It's A Great Time To Go Broke

Isn't it though? I mean, AIG is partying it up with their $85 billion dollar payday/bailout...oh wait, let's make that $123 billion as of today as we dropped another $38 billion into their coffers. In the great tradition of Fuld, O'Neal, and Cayne, let's burn this money while we've got it! Even supercriminal/orange face Mozilo had the decency to cancel a lavish ski trip for Countrywide employees after word got out that they were bankrupt.

Can't pay your mortgage? Never could? No problem. Banks can't foreclose on you anyway and the courts are so backlogged that it will take at least a year or two to get to your case. So enjoy the free abode and kick back while you stick families like mine working 3 jobs between the two of us while raising 2 kids with your share of the HOA fees.

Are things bad out there? Yeah, real bad. One of my patients commented yesterday that she was rooting for a small hurricane to hit South Florida to give a short-term boost to her construction business. After being rammed in the daycare parking lot today, I drove my now dented and continuously beeping car over to the body shop. I was told that there were several people waiting to service my car and that I might have it back in 3 days. Oh my god.

How's the bailout going? Didn't take long for that rate cut either. And yet the market continues to drop to levels that we haven't seen in years. Like a witchdoctor whose usual gesticulations have failed, Paulson feverishly plots new tricks to stop the decline instead of letting markets sink where they need to be. You've wowed us, Hank. Maybe I'll try a rabbit's foot next.

Speaking of the bailout, here's some scary stuff you might have missed. John Markman of MSN Money points out Section 113 of the bailout bill, titled "Minimization of long-term costs and maximization of benefits for taxpayers." Seems there's a small exception that states "any debt instruments worth less than $100 million won't trigger the payback provision." Hey, do you think banks will then proceed to issue tranches of $99 million? Markman certainly thinks it's possible.

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