Sunday, July 27, 2008

Why Not?

Two posts in a day, why not? But that's not what this title is referring to. I've been holding out on you, my readers, until I got some action or response. I am posting a letter I recently sent to about 50 financial companies and writers in an effort to spur/agitate/deride these decision makers. Read and I will follow with what I've heard back so far:

Dear Executive,

It has come to my attention that your company has gone off the tracks. Your stock price is down 80% over the last year. You have become involved in trades that even your own company does not understand or know how to value. The market has continued to pummel you for your lack of insight and direction. Clearly your own managers have no idea what they are doing. Now, you face the possibility of becoming the next Bear Stearns debacle.

Fortunately, I have a solution for you. I propose that you set me up as a proprietary trader with a small initial budget of $50 million to make trades however I see fit from my home office in Florida. In order to continue my market dominating performance, it is essential that these trades not be governed by specific guidelines, instructions, sector preference, or your “proprietary” formulas. I have listed below my track record of successful options and trades betting against the likes of your own company, and often the recommendations of your company:

Citi (C)
6/24/08 / 1/09 $15 puts $1.33
7/01/08 / $2.04
+53% 1 week
Lehman (LEH)
6/04/08 / 1/09 $22.50 puts $2.95
6/11/08 / $4.00
+36% 1 week
East West Bancorp (EWBC)
5/28/08 / 1/09 $10 puts .40
6/27/08 / $3.60
Synovus Financial (SNV)
5/28/08 / 1/09 $7.50 puts .45
6/23/08 / $1.05
Capital One (COF)
4/25/08 / 1/09 $50 puts $8.80
6/27/08 / $15.00
Washington Mutual (WM)
1/07/08 / 1/09 $20 puts $8.30
3/17/08 / $11.80
Bank of America (BAC)
1/07/08 / 1/09 $47.50 puts $9.90
3/17/08 / $15.30
11/27/07 / 1/09 $39 puts $10.85
3/17/08 / $16.45
ConocoPhillips (COP)
(+ dividends)
9/20/06 / $57.99
6/23/08 / $95.30
Nokia (NOK) (+ dividends)
1/04/05 / $15.75
7/16/07 / $30.01
Advance PCS (ADVP) (+buyout/split adjusted)
4/21/03 / $26.19
8/09/05 / $97.69

As you can see by my trades across a variety of sectors, there are no limits on my ability to find weakness or value throughout the market. I realize that anyone could write such a letter claiming such past success. Therefore, I would be happy to provide you with copies of my trading account statements to verify my claims. You may also refer to my blog,, for an archived history detailing my calls as further proof.

There is no reason that we cannot help each other through this difficult time. I am offering my services at a mere doubling of my current salary ($$$) plus 10% of profits. I suggest that we get started as soon as possible as your company is in dire straits and faces the future wrath of the weakened American consumer, weakened American dollar, and possible destruction of the entire banking community.

If you do not grant me this opportunity, I will be forced to work for one of your competitors and to participate in your own demise.


Ax, Physician Assistant
No Previous Financial Experience Whatsoever

I have received email rejections from Citi and Etrade, written rejection from Wachovia and.....2 calls from Charles Schwab. They also logged into this blog but did not post. I finally spoke with a Schwabber this week but he said they were only calling to inform me that they wouldn't need my services. Ok. But why did they have 2 separate people call and log in only to tell me no? Seems like a lot of effort just to reject someone. Oh well. The game continues. Enjoy.

1 comment:

Tiger Coach said...

The taunting tone of your email does it all... that is if these organizations have an ego. Interestingly enough, the financial world's inability to swallow a bit of pride here and there is their doom. When you are wrong, you are supposed to admit it right? Not these guys, it is always something else or someone else. Can you imagine working in the same office as some of these guys?

Great Put on ESWO (isn't that the bank examiner's pick?)